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Max is getting quite the education this week. As an adolescent intact 11m old Golden retriever with raging hormones, and apparently a belief that of course everyone will think he’s as awesome as he knows he is, he’s learning more appropriate ways to talk to girls (and dogs in general!)

Max the golden retriever tongue out smiling as he leans against my leg

1. Be cool. Let the ladies come to you. Let her know you’d like to chat by occasional glances, a bit of a waggy tail, and sniffing the ground. Don’t stand there staring at her drooling. Or even worse don’t race right up to her! Be cool man, be cool!

2. Keep it short and sweet. When she decides you’re being cool and comes up to you, keep it short and sweet. Couple of sniffs, then take a break. Girls don’t appreciate it when you stay up in their business. Just because she decided to come up and say hi doesn’t mean you now have full access permission! When you keep it short and sweet there is a higher chance the girl will ask you to chat more. And then maybe decide you’re cool enough to play with. Wait for her to ask once more, see rule 1. Be cool!

3. No means no. No matter how much you wish they wanted more, how much you think they just don’t realize how awesome you are and you need to keep at it until they realize they were wrong, you really are the best, no means no. If you don’t respect the first level of no, ie being ignored, you’re being a rude dumbass. The girls will quickly make sure you are fully clear on just how much of a dumbass you’re being. No doesn’t mean give a play bow. No doesn’t mean keep sniffing. No doesn’t mean hump her. No doesn’t mean whine, or drool, or paw at her. No means walk away and go back to rule 1. Be cool!

3 simple rules to have a chance with the ladies. Max says, “so many rules, so many rules!” But he’s starting to grasp following the rules leads to higher chance of the outcome he wants, so maybe there is something to them. Learning to be a gentleman is hard work!